The Telephone Book – 1971
Director
Nelson Lyon

Writer
Nelson Lyon

Starring
Margaret Brewster
Roger C Carmel
David Dozer~
Jan Farrand
Lucy Lee Flippin
Arthur Haggerty
James Harder
William Hickey
Sarah Kennedy
Geri Miller
Barry Morse
Ondine
Norman Rose
Dolph Sweet
Matthew Tobin
Ultra Violet

Review by Noel Baily

I would suggest to you ladies and gentleman of the jury that what we have here is a filmed work of unclassifiable obscene content, uniquely inoffensive and with no precedent in the film world…before or sub,

Who is John Smith? why….every man’s deepest fantasy of course. As he utters at one point and which sums up this incredibly original and black-humored ode to left wing sexuality…”I have perfected the obscene call to the point where I could seduce the President, his wife and his family – but I have no political ambition!”

Poor old Alice, cute little Goldie Hawn wannabe and who is a couple of bra-sizes short of average intelligence, she decides to answer her telephone! Big mistake – it is the world’s most experienced serially-obscene phone caller. Does she care? No, she falls in love with him. She must embark now on the ultimate sexual odyssey to discover the joys of true spoken obscenity.

This film is unlike anything else ever made – as original as ERASERHEAD, as meaningless as an Osmond Brothers album. You have to see it…if for no other reason to witness Barry Morse’s cameo to end all cameos. They surely COULDN’T have paid him to do it…he MUST have paid them!

I have had this film for twenty years and STILL haven’t let my kids see it! I think mine is the only copy in Australia, if not the southern hemisphere. A deep deep underground film that could NEVER have found theatrical release I imagine.